Just As I Am
I am terrified
To stand before you
Just as I am.
I squirm, flinch, shudder, and ache,
Longing to crawl into my
Protective shell of noise.
I chatter and clamor
Grasping for control
Of your thoughts, desperate
To keep your judgments at bay,
Fearing you will speak aloud
What I feel within:
That I am small.
I yearn to be noticed,
Yet terrified to be seen.
Safeguarding
The pain of a little girl
Who talked too loudly
And needed too much.
Powerless and exposed,
She closed her eyes,
But couldn’t disappear.
Enshrouding her shame
In folds of make-believe,
She dressed herself up as
Someone you could love.
Consumed, in the wordless
Space between us,
By the craving of
An insatiable child
Who never got enough,
I hunger for more.
Tell me again
I am beautiful.
Tell me again
I am loved.
Speak and save me from
The harrowing quiet,
My hollowness within.
I long for freedom and
The power to pale the shame
Which fetters my soul.
I ask for the strength to be
Vulnerable and unconcealed,
To restrain my tongue
And still my pen,
Embracing the silence
That I may hear Truth whisper,
“We are the same,”
Relinquishing my fear
To stand before you
Just as I am.
